Sunday, 13 February 2011


Stripped to a pulp with the remnants of my dignity scattered across the floor
My top, my skirt and my esteem waiting to be shamefully picked up from the ground
I gather my belongings including my guilt alongside a pain in each and every heartbeat
Water burns my skin with anger as it slowly leaves a trail down my cheek and aims for the ground
I catch it before it makes a sound, I mustn't let him know that he now has a part of me
A part of me which I freely gave away like an innocent child gives their trust
Naivety. Stupidity. Pity. The cycle starts again
I turn back to take the last look at where I disowned my standards to live to another's standard
He sleeps there, as peaceful as a baby. He doesn't even know my name
Daughter of a King, a reflection of God's beauty, a woman of principle. Me.
I forgot who I was and soaked in all that he was, all for a moment
Realisation kicked in one second too late, self hatred came in just on time
Naivety. Stupidity. Pity. The cycle goes round again
I run and seek refuge in the car, hoping it coats my hurt and disgust like foundation caked on a face
The rain hits my windscreen as if my eyes are located in the sky with each drop representing each tear
The steering wheel takes in all the anger like a punching bag and the road the friction of my tyres emphasizing my pain
The face in the mirror stares me dead in the eye, almost shaking her head with disdain
The mind locks into gear five aggressively and my heart revs to top speed, pumping to music only heard in anger
I forcefully pull up the handbrake and everything comes to a halt
Realisation, again some few minutes too late, tells me that effectively that is my past and to keep it there I must repent
For in Christ I will be a new creature and all things will be made new
The rain seems to be calming and myself hatred fleeing as I enter my room and on bending knees I pray
"Lord, forgive me"