Words...

The power of words. Undermined.

We tend to forget the fact that when we speak what we say could either have a positive or negative effect on the other party. It all comes down to what we say.

I watched a film today and the main thing that stuck out to me was the fact that one guy turned around and hated the friends he had grown to love simply because of a few words said by his father. Underestimating the power behind the words that we CHOOSE to use when speaking to others has to be the one of the biggest mistakes that we can make.We are always faced with a choice and the things we say do not fall short of our ability to choose what we should or could say.

Words have the power to break someone and push them towards things they never even thought they were capable of. The movie, of course, has its exaggerated moments but the facts remain that the words “you’re an embarrassment...they are not your friends” possessed the power to create a murderer. It may just take one word to push someone over the edge.

Be careful of what we say.

Be mindful of what we say.

Be loving with what we say.

Simple.

Liberation

Freeing my mind to just run for miles and miles has so many benefits, it allows my mind to explore things that have probably remained shut for the longest period of time, for example a talent which has been suppressed by the biggest critic, myself, liberating my mind allows me to unlock mysteries within myself, allowing myself to find out who I am by simply thinking, I can determine who I have been, who I am going to be and who I am at the minute, I have the ability to assess myself and wisely pick out the things that need to change, I notice the small things that I would normally put off, for example my God given talent which has been dormant for days, months,  years, its finally unlocked, I find out that my mind is a chest of creativity, treasure that can never be stolen, priceless, I acknowledge that my creativity defies the contraventions of grammar, structure and formation, as I type, each comma represents a breath I take, my mind freely spills through my hands onto the keyboard, imprinting onto a visionary white sheet, my mind is free, free to express itself in anyway, either through poetry or articles, explaining my innermost feelings and liberating my views, my mind is truly liberated, free to think up masterpieces, free to think up metaphorical punch lines, I have the ability to think my entire future into reality, one day I will be a wife, mother and aunt, one day I say and mean three words that make me cringe, ‘I love you’, one day i'll become who my mind allows me to be, one day...

I Am Beautiful II

Over the past two weeks I have had ample time to sit down and assess the past five months of my life. The past five months that I believed was idle. The past five months which grew more and more annoying with each day that passed. The past five months that I failed to acknowledge that God was trying to show me something. Something that would’ve been made clear in the space of a few days took me five months and two weeks. However, to God be the glory, I can share what I have learnt.

In the first week of my two week period, I went through a phrase of accepting that I was beautiful and appreciating God’s evident work in me. This was the physical stage, the time where I was forced to understand what it means to adore the woman staring back at me in the mirror. The first week inspired my ‘I Am Beautiful’ piece. This second week which is coming to an end has made me focus on the inner beauty.

One thing I had to painfully realise was that in looking beautiful, if I did not have the ‘beautiful’ character to match it was all pointless. For example, wearing the best attire but having a filthy attitude. I had to sit and think what image I preferred to have. It was between being hollow, having all the physical attributes but empty inside or being filled, a lovely character radiating on the physical me. Please don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with looking nice, there is nothing wrong with making an effort but the problem comes in when your main focus becomes looking nice rather than being a better person.

I had to learn that what was most important was your heart. The following scriptures spoke volumes to me:

“What matters is not your outer appearance – the styling of your hair, the jewellery you wear, the cut of your clothes – but your inner disposition.” (1 Peter 3:3 MSG)

For the longest period of my life I put so much emphasis on how I looked on the outside and failed to even care about my inner disposition. I didn’t care about whether what I may have said may have had an adverse effect on someone but I cared about the next set of shoes or the type of mascara I would wear. I worried more about the outside forgetting that beauty comes from within. It was and is a process which takes time but the first step was to have the will to go through it.

“Your beauty should come from within you – the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that will never be destroyed and is special to God.” (1 Peter 3:4 NCV)

Once we allow God to perfect the beauty within us nothing can ever come our way and stop us from saying I AM BEAUTIFUL!

x

I Am Beautiful

Have you ever looked in the mirror and hated the woman or man that stares back at you? Have you ever looked around and felt that other people are better looking than you? Have you ever felt that your weakness lies in your inability to acknowledge the beauty within? Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.  The feeling of hating what looks back at you in the mirror is incredibly familiar for me and I thought the best way to help others is to share my experience. This was initially meant to be a poem but I just couldn’t seem to fit the words into stanzas and metaphors which gracefully paint the vision behind it.

I went through a period where crying seemed the only possible solution to the disgust I felt toward myself. Speaking to people never seemed enough because I already knew what the people were bound to say. They were going to reassure me that I was not as terrible as I thought I was. They would try to convince me that I was in fact so much more beautiful than I knew. Whatever. It was weird because there was nothing anybody could say or do; I was set in my ways. Tears were my only consolation.

During this period I felt so alone and miserable, I would have moody outbursts and just shut myself away from the world. I had hit my rock bottom and if I’m sincerely honest I’m only moving out of this period now.  Isaiah 45:9 (NLT) reads “What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator.” When I read this I realised that the only possible answer to my problem was myself. I had to come the realisation that I had brought misery upon myself by challenging the work of my Creator. As some would know the Bible says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, it also states that we are made in the image of God, but for me knowing these scriptures of by heart was not enough. Isaiah 45:9 was enough. It was the missing link. For the longest time I had found myself wondering why God made me the way He did. Why did I have to be so tall? Why didn’t I have a smile like hers? Why did I lack those mesmerizing eyes that other girls had? Isaiah taught me that sorrow lies in wait for someone with questions as such. Not only did I undermine the power of God but I demeaned Him as the most creative Creator ever.

Dreaming and wishing that you look like someone else is an insult to God. I had to try and see things from His perspective. If I had spent time creating a poem and then the poem was to turn around and say that its stands for nothing, its rubbish, it would hurt. Immediately I had to correct myself and realise that God had spent time on me to make me as I am. He created me with all my flaws but He considers me beautiful regardless of what the world may think therefore its only right to see myself in the same light. Each person comes with their own deficiencies and incapacities but all in all each of us stand as individual masterpieces. We all illustrate the mind of God and we all show the creativity of God.

So ladies and gentlemen, what am I getting at? In short you are beautiful! The joy that comes from accepting and believing this is far better than the sorrow that follows from believing that you are less than you are. Begin to believe it. Begin to profess it. I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!

Hugs and kisses...

What Type of Woman Are You?

When a dear friend threw this question at me, I stared blankly into her eyes expecting a second question that could possibly make sense of this one. I was unsure of what angle to take the question. For a brief moment I was totally lost, I could not seem to conjure up the words to do myself the justice of explaining what type of woman I was. I got home and pondered on that moment because it left a scar in my memory, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Randomly, I decided to think up the positives about myself and weighed them out with the negatives. I racked my brain until I gave myself a headache.

What am I getting at? If you were to be posed with such a question how would you answer it? At first, it seems as if the question is not one that requires a huge amount of thinking, quite the contrary. This question demands a lot of thinking! The answer must and will sum up the kind of woman you are to a person who is either simply interested or a potential suitor.

How do you answer or find the answer? Question. For me to finally get an answer to this question, I spent an evening and a morning thinking about it (for others it will not take that long – I just wanted to be 100% sure). Defining ‘me’ was not a chance to blow some words into the air but an opportunity to search deep within myself to find a simple sentence to fully envelop what type of woman I was. I wanted the answer to actually relate to who I was, I wanted to answer confidently and I wanted my answer to be so true that the evidence was in my characteristics. 

I had to be honest with myself and search deep within myself. This included looking at the things I hated about myself, some of which had gone unnoticed for such a long time until this question was pushed to the forefront of my mind.  The worst thing to do is lie to yourself, as my dear mother always says, ‘you are deceiving no one else but yourself’. Your answer should make you smile, you answer should bring you joy when your down and your answer should be something that pushes you to press on in tough situations.

Such a question is an opportunity as opposed to being a trick question. It’s a chance to compliment yourself with the positives of your character and face the challenges of the negative aspects of who you are. Rushing is not a prerequisite to the question of who you are as a woman because the answer you effortlessly utter out of your mouth should hit the ears of your receiver and truly paint a picture of who you are. I finally came up with what I considered a justifying answer; I am a woman of principle. Clearly, now, my question to you is what type of woman are you?

Super Sensitive

Over the years, the word ‘humility’ has been added to my ever so limited vocabulary. To my current understanding it is a quality of being humble, which in turn means neither proud nor arrogant. The issue I seem to come across a lot is the problem of defining one’s self as ‘humble’. The common phrase that follows after describing yourself in that light is: ‘how can a humble person say they are humble?’. Sorry? Since when was it abominable for someone to believe that they are well and truly humble?

Please correct me if I’m wrong but my logic only stretches to the understanding that the tone in which something is said determines what is meant. Don’t get me wrong, some may say that they are humble but their actions and their choice of words prove otherwise. My issue is however, if someone possesses the traits of humility, when asked they describe themselves as humble, they automatically are no longer humble?

To me words are toys, they can be played with to portray the mind of the speaker or writer. A lay man on the street would be able to acknowledge someone boasting and being arrogant as opposed to a person who truly believes they are humble. The same way lego can be put together to build a build a miniature house, pulled apart and put together again to form a car so words can be transformed to mean different things. Personally, I believe that the word ‘humility’ has been over-sensitised. We have made the word more than it is. Simply, as the dictionary states, it means that someone is neither proud nor arrogant.

I seem to believe that anyone who honestly believes they are humble should be free to use the term without being crucified for their beliefs of who they are. Its just the same for someone who believes that they are generally a happy person, it cannot be said that only an outsider can tell them such. If they believe that about themselves then so be it.

A New Leaf...

Its been such a long time since I've blogged but not since I have written something. As of recent I have been using Facebook as my blogging account but now I am back. I will update all my most recent writings on here and I promise to be a bit more open about my thoughts...

Untitled...

Stripped to a pulp with the remnants of my dignity scattered across the floor

My top, my skirt and my esteem waiting to be shamefully picked up from the ground

I gather my belongings including my guilt alongside a pain in each and every heartbeat

Water burns my skin with anger as it slowly leaves a trail down my cheek and aims for the ground

I catch it before it makes a sound, I mustn't let him know that he now has a part of me

A part of me which I freely gave away like an innocent child gives their trust

Naivety. Stupidity. Pity. The cycle starts again

I turn back to take the last look at where I disowned my standards to live to another's standard

He sleeps there, as peaceful as a baby. He doesn't even know my name

Daughter of a King, a reflection of God's beauty, a woman of principle. Me.

I forgot who I was and soaked in all that he was, all for a moment

Realisation kicked in one second too late, self hatred came in just on time

Naivety. Stupidity. Pity. The cycle goes round again

I run and seek refuge in the car, hoping it coats my hurt and disgust like foundation caked on a face

The rain hits my windscreen as if my eyes are located in the sky with each drop representing each tear

The steering wheel takes in all the anger like a punching bag and the road the friction of my tyres emphasizing my pain

The face in the mirror stares me dead in the eye, almost shaking her head with disdain

The mind locks into gear five aggressively and my heart revs to top speed, pumping to music only heard in anger

I forcefully pull up the handbrake and everything comes to a halt

Realisation, again some few minutes too late, tells me that effectively that is my past and to keep it there I must repent

For in Christ I will be a new creature and all things will be made new

The rain seems to be calming and myself hatred fleeing as I enter my room and on bending knees I pray

"Lord, forgive me"

Insane...

Speak...

Comparison...

be blessed and enjoy...

...

God really has a funny sense of humour!
He actually makes me laugh
Just saying...

Insane...

Times I look around and everyone seems hard faced

Forcing me to harden my face in confusion

Times I smile but some make their face even harder, probably thinking ‘is she ok?’

Yea I’m fine, just, according to you, a little insane

The thing is my sanity comes from the wisdom of the Most High

As the wisdom of the world is foolishness in the eyes of God

At times I walk and a laugh just bursts out

People stare and wonder where the nearest institution is

They think I’m insane

Well, yes I am, but not in the way you see it

I’m insane for the Big Man upstairs

I can look at trees and smile

I can look at a wall and whisper ‘thank you’

I can smile or even say hello at random

I can talk but with no one physically there to listen

All which you think makes me insane

So yes world I’m insane

I’m insane for God

When I see a tree and smile, it’s because no matter how big it gets it can never be as big as Him

When I look at my wall and whisper a ‘thank you’, I believe that my delivery to the King is sharpish

When I smile or even say hello to you at random, that’s just me trying to show the smallest fraction of God’s love

When I talk and you think there’s no one there, believe Someone is. Jehovah is.

So yes world, I do things out of your normalities

I don’t see the world as the be all and end all

I don’t hang my head low just to blend in with the majority

Neither do I agree that there is no God and that you just somehow came into existence

So in your eyes, I’m insane

However, these things do not qualify me for the institutions that you have to offer

The institution I need and dream to get to is Heaven

So world please don’t try to stop me or what you call my insanity

It’s part of what I need to qualify me for my dream institution

My pen...

My pen defines me as the ink rolls past the ball and onto the paper

As my pen hits the paper working through the next piece

My emotions are released and my tensions are relieved

My pen defines me because it peeps behind the veil that my flesh holds up and writes from the heart

The roller ball rolls and rolls and rolls deeper and deeper till it hits a nerve

Forcing out the very deeper side of me

My pen defines me in ways no man could

It opens me up and pours out the real me charismatically complimenting the paper that receives me

My pen defines me and my God flowing with the ink of anointing

Forming the best possible sentences to give a glimpse of the Most High

My pen defines me because with each word it writes it unfolds a different side of me... 

Hands...

Look at your hands. Is there anywhere your right hand goes where your left does not follow? Is there a time where your right hand will try to lift something beyond its capacity where the left hand will not come in handy? At times its like your left hand is not there but it is, especially when you need it most. Just like God. He's the left hand and we stand as our right hand, handling things, carrying things but we tend to forget that the left hand is also there to help. There are times when we feel by ourselves even though we are surrounded by many. However, God is there like your left hand is. He's there to help, there to carry those things that are too heavy to carry alone and simply just to be your companion. He may not be here physically but He is always always always there when you need Him. Sometimes we just need to use our left hand (the helping hand) a little more rather than leaving it there dormant whilst our right hand is trying to do everything for itself. We need to acknowledge God just a little bit more and then we will find that He never left us but in effect we left Him out...

Mistakes...

In this life that we live, we are bound to make mistakes and sometimes some mistakes are bigger to us than others. However, to God, sin is sin and there is no level of ranking (Romans 3:21-26). The one thing to remember is that you can always go back to God...the biggest mistake you can make is becoming subject to the mistake you made. Allowing yourself to become a victim to guilt is the worst thing because God is there with open arms waiting for you to just get back up, learn from it and keep it moving. Donnie McClurkin’s song, ‘We Fall Down’ comprises this saying that ‘a saint is just a sinner who fell down but got up’. Whatever you have done does not make you less of a Christian; neither does it put you below the rest, it simply means that you fell and you need to get up with a repenting heart. Nothing more, nothing less. Satan wants you to believe that the world must stop and you have no place, neither any right to even call on the name of Jesus BUT in Proverbs 24:16 it says ‘for a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again’. Isaiah 44:22 clearly states ‘I have blotted out, like a thick cloud, your transgressions, and like a cloud, your sins. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you’. Even Jesus specifically says in Matthew 12:31 ‘every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven’, so who, based on the Scriptures, can ever tell you that you cannot come back to God? Answer, no one. Numbers 23:19 says that ‘God is not a man, the He should lie, nor a son of man that He should repent. Has he said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?’ and Isaiah 55:11 says ‘So shall my word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing that I have sent it’. This basically showing us that God is not a liar and when He says something, so shall it be. So when you make a mistake just remember that God IS waiting there for you to redeem you and put you back in line with Him as long as you repent. Never, ever, let ANYBODY neither yourself tell you otherwise...

Forgiveness...

Lord, give me the heart of forgiveness
Crush my heart of stone
And mould me a heart of flesh that beats with forgiveness
Restore in me the ability to forgive man for their wrongdoing
Enable me to forget the deepest and most painful acts done against me
Give me the heart of forgiveness
Not partially, but fully
So my heart can beat for longer with forgiveness circulating my entire body

Just wait...

Imagine this... 

What criteria do you have for your perfect guy? 

"Well i want a guy who has a relationship with God, a man who can bring me closer to God rather than steer me away from Him, a man who can hold his own and has aspirations to be the best man he can be in the sight of God" 

Time passes...pressure of society place a desparation for ANYBODY to fill the role. You even start to believe that the criteria you have is virtually impossible. That there is no guy walking the earth that fill that role. 

But... 

Then you hear a Word stating that YOU ARE FORMED FOR MARRIAGE, and because of that inevitably if you depend on God, you WILL get married. 

So whether male or female, trust in God, the woman/man is out there, just wait and enjoy being single...whilst you're single you have the opportiunity to allow God to perfect you and teach you how to be the best wife/husband you can be...

Just wait... 

Inspired by the Word of God spoken through his vessel Bishop Onimisi, Salem Church

Road markings...

Every road has markings telling drivers what they can and cannot do. Each road has these markings but do not force drivers to follow them, drivers can disobey these markings at their own risk. 

Drivers carry a responsibility. When they drive, they must take others into consideration. Drivers set an example for those driving behind them. When the driver stops every other car behind them stops and so on and so forth. 

With each person God has put markings, like those on the road, in place to push evryone in the right direction. Nobody is forced to do this. They can disobey at their own peril. 

When we enter the faith we have to take others into consideration. People watch you and we stand as an example to others. Whatever we do others will follow. This applies to every believer not just ministers - simply people claiming that they believe.